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****Milena`s diary****

October 19, Sunday

Baby Zornica is already 1 month and 13 days old. This first month passed a lot easier and faster for me than with my first one.I`m absolutely delighted to have a second child at home. I had severe postnatal depression with my son and honestly speaking, I wanted to give myself second chance for better experience.Everything seems to me totally different now, from the very first moment after delivery. For example, I was full of joy when they showed to me my daughter immediately after she came out. I felt an immediate contact with her unlike the first time. When my son was born 4 years ago, all I felt was relieve from the pain. I took him in my arms but I didn`t know what to do with him. Becoming a mother was then a long process. My son taught me. I was a slow learner but now I`m a graduate:-))! Lucky girl, she let her brother come first to teach me all parental things:-))!

About breastfeeding

Generally I`m with two hands for breastfeeding. It`s natural, it`s beneficial, it`s more convenient and etc.But only if it really works. And it didn`t work for me the first time.My son had very long time jaundice.He was sleepy on the breast. I was so determined to nurse him that this became like ambition to prove I`m a good mother. I closed my eyes for the truth that he is hungry, and tried to believe that I had enough milk. When he was weighed at 1 month, he had gained nothing. Then I let it go and started formula. I was too tired and scared to try doing anything else.

My daughter was different. She was a good nurser. This time I was confident, I read alot of books about BF, consulted a lot of breastfeeding moms on the Net in order to make the better start. And it was good in the first two weeks.I nursed her on demand.I gave her opportunity to teach my body to produce more and more milk.Then I noticed she is getting more and more fussy, she stopped sleeping at all during the day. I brought her to check and she was still at her hospital weight, two weeks after. This time I didn`t feel it like a failure but was glad to have catched it in time.For me the most important was she to be healthy and well fed. I didn`t feel right to experiment on her, trying to get more milk of myself. I know what I missed but I know also that a nervous trying-to-nurse mother is worse than happy formula-feeding mom.

About sleeping

Usually Zornica shares one bedroom with her brother. She wakes in the night but not so often as to disturb seriously his sleep. We also have a travel bed in the living room- an alternative for worse nights.

She sleeps from 9 pm until 6 am with several wake-ups at 3 or 4 am. It is different each time- sometimes she would go to sleep again, sometimes she would be fussy until she gets her milk at 6 am. We doesn`t feed her in the night as she is gaining weight pretty well and she is formula fed, so I think she needs a rest for her stomach in the night. Now we consider some strategies for sound sleep. Perhaps we will try with cry-out. I don`t think she is even hungry when she wakes up...and it`s not colic so maybe this is just a habit.

In the day she still doesn`t have an established routine. I remember that Constantin was 4 months old when he got some regular hours of sleeping every day. I lay her after each feeding in the bed in order to help her fall asleep if she wants. If she is fussy and doesn`t want to sleep, I put her in a baby chair and let her look around and spend some time awake. She has about 15-20 minutes when she can stay awake without being fussy but not more for now. Some days she sleeps in the mornings after 9 am and in the afternoons after 3 pm. She would often get a very long sleep after 5 or 6 pm.

I miss my afternoon naps:-)) but feel like I`m getting more sleep than with my son. My husband helps me a lot with getting up in the nights when I`m too sleepy to hear her crying...or with the early feeding at 6 am.

*** more to come***

Entry October 24